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DZIEWCZYNA Z TATUAŻEM

Tatuaż z wojowiczką to pierwszy, który ma dla mnie głębszy sens. Bo wojowniczką jest w zasadzie każda kobieta. Codziennie staczamy bój ze światem, naszymi codziennymi sprawami, milionem “muszę”: “muszę to” , muszę tamto”, “muszę zrobić tak”, “muszę jechać tam”. I z dwoma milionami “za”: “za dużo”, “za mało”, “za gruba”, “za chuda” , “za małe piersi”, “za duża pupa” itp. itd. W zasadzie nie poznałam chyba jeszcze kobiety/ dziewczyny, która nie miałaby jakiegoś “za”. 

Znacie to? Wojowanie ze samą sobą? Ja robiłam to prawie nieustannie. Ciągle byłam niezadowolona, ciągle stawiałam sobie za dużo “muszę” naraz, nie będąc w stanie tych “muszę” zrobić. Do tego dochodziło “za”. Nie byłam zadowolona z siebie i swojego wyglądu nawet, gdy byłam w świetnej formie i nosiłam rozmiar 40. Sfrustrowana. Zrozumienie, że to był ślepy zaułek zajęło mi lata. Pogodzenie się ze sobą nie dzieje się z dnia na dzień. Schiza i brak samoakceptacji trzymały się mocno. Ale nareszcie czuję, że wygrałam tę wojnę.

I dlatego w zasadzie nie lubię być fotografowana. Uwielbiam robić zdjęcia innym, jak fajnie wychodzą, cieszę się jakbym co najmniej wymalowała sufit w Kaplicy Sykstyńskiej. A jak widzę siebie na fotach, to zwykle kręcę nosem. Zawsze mi coś nie pasuje. Okazuje się, że najtrudniejszą rzeczą na świecie jest nie być krytycznym wobec siebie. Cóż – kobiety chłoną wyśnione ideały i krytyczne uwagi z otoczenia jak gąbka. Nasiąkamy sesjami, które są godzinami poddawane obróbce w każdym szczególe. Nierealnymi zdjęciami z Instagrama, które niby są “tu i teraz”, a w rzeczywistości są pięćdziesiątym lub setnym ujęciem. I wszystkimi “za”.

W przełamaniu się pomógł mi w zasadzie tatuaż. Stwierdziłam, że skoro mam go pokazać publicznie i niejako globalnie, to wymaga odpowiedniej oprawy 😉 Zresztą Karolina od dawna namawiała mnie na foty. Wyciągnęłam z szafy sukienkę Sempera, która przewisiała w niej troszkę czekając na lepsze czasy. Spojrzałam w lustro i byłam już całkowicie przekonana, że chcę zrobić te zdjęcia. 
Nie wiem czy Wam się spodobają, ale mi tak. I to chyba pierwszy raz 😉 

Foto: Karolina (yeeeee! pierwsze koty za płoty)
Sukienka: Semper
Buty: Deichmann 
Bransolety: Dublon
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